Studying? Pfft.

Why study or write a paper when you can write and re-design a blog??

Ok this will be short.. but if you are reading.. and apparently at least this blog as been looked at 700 times, and NO it was not all me. I would love to know how you came across this and get a clue of who it is who does read my blog. I kind of didn't think about if I was anonymous that my readers would be too... But that is alright. Check out my poll, its over there--------->---->>--->>>

Anyways, I saw this quote today and I wanted to share it with you.

If you put shame in a petri dish it needs 3 things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive. Two most powerful words when we're in struggle "me too". If we're going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path. -Brené Brown

It intrigued me... What do you guys think about it? (I don't have to do all the talking/rambling on here you know; post a thought or comment)

~Just a Girl

Yes I will finish my paper now.

Day 34- Oh dear..

..don't worry it's not totally bad.

I just want to say, maybe you have been in my shoes before, but until you get to wear my shoes you may not fully appreciate a 'pass'. Yes, so far this week I have passed my midterms, and I just have one more paper left. [so close]
This week feels like its never ending and just keeps going on and on and on. Started out, like I had told you earlier... with a nice awful sleep, felt like the flu that stayed with me for 24 hours. Gross. Then I had a full day to study and it felt like NO INFORMATION was going into my head and staying! Yeah NONE! Oh but thats ok. Apparently 66% of the info stayed with me. So that is good. I am so very ok with that.

Well I am off to Bible Study soon, but I did just want to tell you about my grade, and I had a great sleep last night due to and new mattress.. yeah I don't have to sleep on the foamie that my parents owned 25 years ago, then passed on to me, then passed to my uncle and aunt at that point my cousin slept on it for many a year and then guess who got it next?!? ME! It went from a Queen to a Double too. Just a little deformed. But I got a new one... memory foam on top of a 4in foamie. It makes my back happy, and me.

Oh I believe I have also discovered something new this week, which drug I'm on. Most likely Rebif- hence the 24 flu the last few times I've dosed. But don't be too disappointed, I am not. I mean I do wish that I was on the study drug, but if I wasn't apart of the study I would've been on this drug anyways. However this does mean more side affects with Rebif, which I have figured out. (I was being titrated up to full dose over the last month, and the last few injections were full dose, and apparently my body doesn't really like the full dose) So I called my nurse at UBC and she told me that I should take half of the full dose while I am taking my last midterms and finals. Then we will talk about it more. So depends on how you perceive it... good news and bad news this week. But seriously stay positive, I am. Laugh about something, I have. (haha, someone I know doesn't always appreciate my MS humour)

Have a great night, thanks for keeping in touch!

~Just a Girl

Oh man, I dislike this.

One thing I dislike about drugs is the potential side affects.
One thing I dislike about this time of year is the possibility of getting the flu.

At this point I'm not sure which one I dislike more because I really don't know if I have the flu or my injections of Rebif/placebo, is actually a drug. The UBC MS clinic did tell me that I should take some ibuprofen and acetaminophen before I take my injections and that should lessen any side affects I may get. I have been doing that but I still am waking up all night hot, cold, chilled, achey, skin hurts to touch or have blankets on, dehydrated, dizzy, sore. Trust me its not a bundle of joy.
This also frustrates me more because this week I have a midterm, group presentation and a paper due and right now I feel like going back to bed and sleeping all night.

You know whats weird? Most days I still cannot comprehend that I have a disease. (even writing that statement sound so strange) At my last treatment day I was sitting in the chair for about 4 hours, and got up to go to the washroom, on my way out I looked in the mirror and stood behind the door for about 10 seconds and just looked at myself. It was still so hard to believe that it was me standing in front of that mirror. It just didn't seem right, its not what I pictured for my life. I looked at the IV pole, ran my eyes down the line to the pump then to my hand where the IV was in my hand. Something just didn't feel right about it. It just wasn't me. I then came our and my mom looked at me as I sat down in my chair and said "Wow, that brings back memories of your little brother, it's so hard to believe that we are back here again." It's strange, what life brings to you. Some are good, some are bad, some things are easy and some hard. You really never know. But I would say, with the hard things take them head on, don't wait around for something to change, face it, 'count it all joy'. I'm not saying it will be easy to do so, I promise- because its not.
This disease takes a lot out of me on a day to day basis, my energy, my health, my focus. I also have good days, which is nice but there are also days where I am smacked in the face with it again. It can just be the smallest comment by someone, making a joke, talking about school-marks etc. I feel like in those moments I am thrown back in to that chair and I remember... "Oh yeah, I have a disease- Multiple Sclerosis."

~Just a Girl

Day 24- Going home

Cold, winter, snow, lots of snow... oh boy lots to look forward to for when I get home. I just really want green grass, and would be alright with rain. However thats alright.

So its Tuesday and guess what? No rash! Which is great. I had to stay down in Vancouver incase I did in fact get a rash. But at this point, none!

Day 29-TIRED!!So I have also realized that I haven't updated in a while, I have been exhausted lately! Right now its 12:30 and it feels like 10:00pm. All I have done today is go swimming, which usually gives me energy for the day, but I swam laps for 45 minutes and then did aquafit for 40 minutes, I AM WIPED! I also still have a 3 hours class this afternoon and then going shopping with a friend, dinner with my family and a play at 8:00. Oh well that is alright, I will survive and it won't be that bad in the end.
These next few weeks are going to be a little crazy though. I have a midterm next week as well as a paper due. Then 3 finals. AND THEN IM DONE!! (for this semester anyways)

Before I sign off I will post some prayer requests: (PS, they are also on the side >>> over there >> and I will try to update them periodically)
- energy to keep going for finals. I am in desperate need of good marks for some of my classes and must be able to stay focused to study for them.
- I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping these days, waking up in the middle of the night, in the morning I'm sore. I just haven't been having very solid sleeps lately.

Have a great rest of your day guys, I am off to class!!

~Just a Girl

Day 21- Woah!! Another Day....

....just living life.


I feel like I am just super duper excited and in a weird mood. Why? Well to tell you the truth, I'm not sure... But I can give you a list of things that have made me happy and put me in a good mood  in the past while:

1. I'm alive

2. I'm breathing

3. I'm "healthy" (haha, oh that cracks me up.. because I'm not actually all that healthy.. but I can pretend. Sorry, if you are not familiar with me and my sense of humour* I will warn you now because it may or may not come up in future posts. Especially if things get rough)

4. I have a great family

5. I have absolutely wonderful friends

6. I am able to walk

7. I can talk... most of the time (sometimes my brain goes blank and I don't always know what to say.. like when I get stressed out during a class presentation.. not gonna lie, its kind of funny- well in retrospect--because of the MS, I promise, maybe) 

8. Cousins who bring me treats on crummy days -milk chocolate (you know who you are)

9. Meeting old friends that you haven't seen in AGES- and it feels just like you saw them yesterday

10. A great family- oh I said that already

(Wow I'm only at 10? uhoh, I have 10 more... uhhh)

11. Oh yeah- grass on the ground- I'm in Vancouver, not my home town which may or may not have snow 

12. I like that I can blog the way I think and/or talk in my head and I don't have to be worried about grammar or spelling because I won't be marked on it

13. When there are no issues with IV infusions. (sad to say there were some today)

14. (Brackets) [so i can put in my side thoughts]

15. Ok my happy mood is gone.. I'm tired, Yes there are more things in life that make me happy, but I can't think and would rather tell you about my day. 

16. Oh one more thing... You guys. I really do appreciate you, for checking up on me, seeing how I'm doing, crying with me (I'm (not actually all that) sorry), sharing in my joy and trails. I appreciate you keeping the news of me to yourselves, because I have chosen you to be one of the select few to share my journey with. But hey, if you have stumbled upon this by accident I also hopes this helps you in some form or another. I really enjoy to blog my thoughts, frustrations, hardships and whatnots because it helps me process whats going on. I like to know that people are thinking and praying about me. So thank you to all of you and I hope you appreciate my blog as much as I do. :)

17. Remembering not to use the washroom as soon as I get up on trail days (PLEASE KEEP READING SO THIS ONE MAKES SENSE)

Day 21- Second half of my first dose.

So I came down to Vancouver last night from home, stayed at UBC as per usual. OH OH OH and I staying in the West Coast Suits, oh my goodness, best sleep I've had in the past few months! The bed was AMAZING, the pillow was so great and I don't think I moved all night. 

I got up in the morning in a much better mood than I did on my last in fusion... (you can read about it here @0315-0720). I also remembered not to go to the bathroom in the room because they have a urine sample every time and it takes forever! Seriously how many of you are able to go to the bathroom twice in like an hour in the morning after you haven't drank anything... yeah didn't think so! Oh I guess that could be another thing. (17.)
Then they took a bit of blood and sent me off to Medical Day Care. OK, not gonna lie I totally feel like a preschool kid when they say "You can go now and head off to Medical Day Care." I just think to myself pulling my little toy around on a string down the hallway on my way to daycare. However I promise you its not as fun and real pre school. Oh well they are helping me, theoretically, but actually they are.
After they sat me down in a not so bad chair they started my IV. As per usual they looked at my veins and probably said wonderful words in their head because mine don't look like exist. Actually they do because next step they poked me and I bled, right into the tubing- PS. its not supposed to do that. (for those non nursey people) Then the saline started dripping on my hand, so we had to figure that all out which took a while.

Result: faulty tubing.  

Then a wonderful cousin came by to say hi, brought me chocolate which and wether he knows it or not  made me quite happy. (8.) It was nice to see him, he's kind of great.
While he was there we all thought we were going crazy. We (being me, my mom, the woman beside me also getting treatment and my cousin) thought we saw a drop dripping from the IV pump but none of us could see it twice. Until my cousin did see it twice. So then we had to get that all switched up.

However all in all today was a good day. A little painful at times, needles are not my favorite thing it burns when the IV goes in, I don't really like getting blood drawn and I'm not keen on injections. But that is all ok. I am in a great bed and must sleep. So goodnight. Sleep well and so will I.

~Just a Girl

*Disclaimer: I have a morbid sense of humour. Enjoy! (and please laugh with me, because that is what I want)

Day 10- Poke 5

Uugh. I am sitting here with the needle beside me and I just can't do it. I dislike poking myself so much. I'm sure after the 100th or so one I should be alright.. but at this point I'm not. Oh maybe your wondering what I'm complaining about. Its my injections. I know it doesn't hurt but tell that to me again. You would not believe how sweaty my hands are right now.. like glistening I'm freaking out about it so much.

Ok, I'm back... not like you would know I had left. But it gets better, not only did it not really hurt but I did hit a blood vessel. So its bleeding pretty good right now and feels like I have a nice lump under my skin.

Oh the joys of MS.

~Just a girl