You know those times when you feel like things are going good, you can't even think about those things that could bring you down? You know those times where you think, "Dang, life is good. What could go wrong?" I had one of those moments last week, when I was in the hospital, when all of my problems seemed to be so minuscule. I had a patient who was in such pain-he just had hip surgery and I told him he was going to be walking today.. he kind of laughed at me. However he did walk that day, and it was great. I thought of how thankful I was that I was able to walk, and was not in that kind of pain. It felt so good to not think about anything except doing everything I could for my patient. It felt so good to do something for him.
Tonight isn't like that.. I'm sorry to say. Tonight--this weekend has been hard. Very difficult. It is funny how hard things like to hit in waves. I thought I was doing ok with the whole MS thing.. but I was wrong. This weekend and past few weeks to be honest have been ok with a few moments of MS realizations. But so much has changed--also please don't think I sit in a funk about 'oh poor me, I have MS' I don't it just comes in waves and then I need to talk about it.. so this is what you get. The hardest part is seeming like I'm ok on the outside when I'm not. I'm not. I am terrified on the inside (I haven't admitted that out loud before), I am in so much stinking pain; physically and mentally.
Tonight was hard, I was working on homework and my hand hurt, which lately isn't that surprising, but it wasn't just my right hand, it was both of them and mostly my left hand and man did it hurt. So I grabbed a bag of snow, which helped but still hurt a lot more than I had ever had it before. It made me frustrated, sad and hurt. I also realized today and the last few times I have gone swimming that my vision has been getting worse. (I am kind of hoping its because I haven't gone swimming for a while)
Some days I just don't know what to do... so tonight I am going to ask for prayer, prayer for
-pain in my hand to go away or lessen
-comfort; to trust in God
-anxiety; to help me calm down about life and school
-to continue to find the joys in life and continue to be thankful for the things I do have.
-just me and my spirit in general to keep well and focus on school
Thank you so much guys, I appreciate it a ton.
~Just a Girl
Monday, January 28, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Day 92- Some Days
Well clinical has started and thank goodness. It makes me so happy... at this point I love clinical--ask me again when I am so exhausted, and have probably done something wrong. Then maybe I will have a different answer. But as of now, after day 2 it is so great. Yesterday was orientation and we wandered around the floor; Surgery North and just became familiar with the location of everything. But when things really hit me was as I was driving home I burst into tears because finally I felt like I was doing something right. Things felt good. It has felt like a long time since I have felt this at peace with things. Nursing, I really do love it. I love talking to people, helping, making jokes, teasing, laughing, learning. I love when I am albe to put a smile on someone's face. When I can make their most awful day just a little bit better.
It is things like this that really makes me happy, it 'fills my cup'. I love people. When I got home from clinical today my uncle and good friend were both noting how I just looked so 'happy'/'perky' and such.
But things feel good. It seems like it has been a long time... things have been hard, but I think this is good.
My goal: Finish nursing.
Thank you for praying, keeping me in your thoughts, I cannot say this enough. I have had a greater amount of energy these days, I have decided that I really just need to live day by day... Because I really do not know what tomorrow is going to bring. I have done my best to note and be intentionally thankful for at least one thing a day. It has helped. Maybe it will for you too.
I hope you guys have a great weekend. I will be studying and hopefully skating and watching movies.
~Just a Girl
It is things like this that really makes me happy, it 'fills my cup'. I love people. When I got home from clinical today my uncle and good friend were both noting how I just looked so 'happy'/'perky' and such.
But things feel good. It seems like it has been a long time... things have been hard, but I think this is good.
My goal: Finish nursing.
Thank you for praying, keeping me in your thoughts, I cannot say this enough. I have had a greater amount of energy these days, I have decided that I really just need to live day by day... Because I really do not know what tomorrow is going to bring. I have done my best to note and be intentionally thankful for at least one thing a day. It has helped. Maybe it will for you too.
I hope you guys have a great weekend. I will be studying and hopefully skating and watching movies.
~Just a Girl
Friday, January 18, 2013
Day 72- Too True
"A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor"
Ok, think about this with me... it has been on my mind a lot lately. What would life be life if we didn't have any challenges? If we could go through every day or at least most days or most of the day with out feeling like things weren't falling down around you or you weren't faced with hard or silly things like choosing between butter chicken or chinese food for dinner. Some days I wonder what it would be like...but then not even a minute later I think, why? What would that be like to have no challenges...it well, wouldn't be challenging. Who woulda thunk? What would I learn from having an easy life. What does any one learn from easy?
Looking back at this last year I think about the types of things I have faced. With my health, school, relationships. It was hard. I also know that it is not going to be smooth sailing.. there are bound to be more storms, and they are not going to be easy. But here we go and thank you for being apart of my journey. --Day 72
Day 84- Well well well.
So my words have proven true. This semester has started off with a bang. Or at least is going to bang quite soon.
[Can I also tell you that I am so happy I failed my microbiology course my 1st year of nursing. (I had taken 5 courses 1st semester and 6 courses 2nd semester and planned a youth conference roo 100 kids-so I was a little busy and over loaded) However after I failed that course I decided to take a year off and take a semester of electives and re-take that course. BLESSING in disguise. It then gave me the opportunity to move to Abbotsford, live with my family, work and pay for all of my second year. It also gave me a much easier second year--course wise anyways. I really don't know what I would have done with taking a even fuller load than what I am doing right now. ]
Back from my rant...
So this semester is going to be crazy.
Monday- 3hr lecture 12-3
Tuesday- 3hr lecture (going to be super boring) 8-11
- 2.5 hour night class
Wednesday -2hr lab
-3hr lecture
-2.5 hour night class
Thursday- 8hr clinical
Friday- 8hr clinical
Wow, that looks a lot busier than I thought. Shoot. Anyways this should be a interesting semester, in many different ways.
So I went down to Vancouver on Monday-the trip was good, super short--apart from my delayed flight. It was weird, only 2.5 hours, but I left exhausted-and I didn't even have any Benadryl. Maybe i've just been conditioned to be exhausted when I got to that hospital. I just had a few tests, blood work and then they sent me home. Oh and then the next day was brutal. I was SO TIRED. Anyways I have all in all had a strange week, kind of been irritable to be honest. But once I get my rear in gear I will be more focused on my studies and keep distracted.
Today I had a bit of a realization.. it still hasn't really sunk in, the fact that I have MS. I mean I don't sit around all day moping because I have MS, but it does hit me occasionally. How is this going to change in the future (yes I have no control over it), how much is ti going to affect me, am I still going to be able to do the things I love, how will I adjust. It is frustrating to not know what is going to happen to me and the consequences of it in my future. But those are my thoughts for the night.. I have a feeling they may not make sense.
Have a good night.
~Just a Girl
Ok, think about this with me... it has been on my mind a lot lately. What would life be life if we didn't have any challenges? If we could go through every day or at least most days or most of the day with out feeling like things weren't falling down around you or you weren't faced with hard or silly things like choosing between butter chicken or chinese food for dinner. Some days I wonder what it would be like...but then not even a minute later I think, why? What would that be like to have no challenges...it well, wouldn't be challenging. Who woulda thunk? What would I learn from having an easy life. What does any one learn from easy?
Looking back at this last year I think about the types of things I have faced. With my health, school, relationships. It was hard. I also know that it is not going to be smooth sailing.. there are bound to be more storms, and they are not going to be easy. But here we go and thank you for being apart of my journey. --Day 72
Day 84- Well well well.
So my words have proven true. This semester has started off with a bang. Or at least is going to bang quite soon.
[Can I also tell you that I am so happy I failed my microbiology course my 1st year of nursing. (I had taken 5 courses 1st semester and 6 courses 2nd semester and planned a youth conference roo 100 kids-so I was a little busy and over loaded) However after I failed that course I decided to take a year off and take a semester of electives and re-take that course. BLESSING in disguise. It then gave me the opportunity to move to Abbotsford, live with my family, work and pay for all of my second year. It also gave me a much easier second year--course wise anyways. I really don't know what I would have done with taking a even fuller load than what I am doing right now. ]
Back from my rant...
So this semester is going to be crazy.
Monday- 3hr lecture 12-3
Tuesday- 3hr lecture (going to be super boring) 8-11
- 2.5 hour night class
Wednesday -2hr lab
-3hr lecture
-2.5 hour night class
Thursday- 8hr clinical
Friday- 8hr clinical
Wow, that looks a lot busier than I thought. Shoot. Anyways this should be a interesting semester, in many different ways.
So I went down to Vancouver on Monday-the trip was good, super short--apart from my delayed flight. It was weird, only 2.5 hours, but I left exhausted-and I didn't even have any Benadryl. Maybe i've just been conditioned to be exhausted when I got to that hospital. I just had a few tests, blood work and then they sent me home. Oh and then the next day was brutal. I was SO TIRED. Anyways I have all in all had a strange week, kind of been irritable to be honest. But once I get my rear in gear I will be more focused on my studies and keep distracted.
Today I had a bit of a realization.. it still hasn't really sunk in, the fact that I have MS. I mean I don't sit around all day moping because I have MS, but it does hit me occasionally. How is this going to change in the future (yes I have no control over it), how much is ti going to affect me, am I still going to be able to do the things I love, how will I adjust. It is frustrating to not know what is going to happen to me and the consequences of it in my future. But those are my thoughts for the night.. I have a feeling they may not make sense.
Have a good night.
~Just a Girl
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