James 2:1 "Count it all joy my brothers when you're faced with trials of many kinds, becuase you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
I love this verse and I think I can say, yes it applies to many things in life but especially this one. I am not sure why but I can't say that I have really processed how MS does affect my life. Maybe after a couple dozen self injections I will realize. But I haven't really sat down and thought about what this means. Maybe I did when I first heard those words, "Maybe it could be Multiple Sclerosis." It was after one of my shifts at work and my boss mentioned that to me after I told her about all of my symptoms. So I guess I will admit that I did spend most of the 25 minute drive home crying and thinking that within 5 years I would be in a wheel chair or something. It also hit me a few other times, when more symptoms came I was discouraged, cried and was angry. I wasn't angry at God, but I was frustrated that I wasn't normal. I felt damaged, not good enough, irritated. I wanted things to feel normal again, I wanted to be able to see when I exercised. However I have never asked God why me? I haven't been mad at God, just the situation.
It took a while, but I eventually remembered the verse, "Count it all joy." (This also reminded me of an Oddsey tape when I was little, maybe you remember which one from your childhood but anyways...) I knew there was nothing I could do about my MS, it wasn't anything I had done, I wasn't being punished (for NEVER cleaning me room or something), but there wasn't anything I could do about it. So I decided to embrace it. Why not right? Is it easy? Well not really, but I'm gonna take it on. I had/have decided that I will continue to live and love life. I will work hard in school and eventually work. I will do my best not to complain and grumble. I want to count it all joy.
I feel like this past year or so has been crazy. Last August (over a year ago) my family moved to Abbotsford. This meant that I had to stay here because my nursing courses don't transfer. So I lived with my aunt and uncle, which is great by the way. I then found out I failed a first year course, Microbiology. Gah, I was frustrated and super upset. But then I thought about it, this meant that I was pushed back a year and also meant that I had time to finish the absurd amount of electives. So I took a semester and finished my electives and retook my Microbi course. After that I moved down to Abbotsford with my family from January 2012 to August 2012. In retrospect it was amazing that I was in Abbotsford last semester because when I had these symptoms I was able to get into see a Neurologist, get an MRI, and other tests right away. It was a total God thing. He lined/lines things up so well. I'm sure in the next coming months or weeks I will be able to tell you more stories.
So to sum this post up I just want to encourage you, when you are faced with things you don't think you can handle look to God. Be confident in Him. He totally has your best interest in mind and won't forget about you. I want to continue to 'count it all joy'. I think that it will get more challenging but we shall see right?
~Just a Girl
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
What is MS?
So are any of you wondering what Multiple Sclerosis is? Well I am too.
Just kidding!
I do know I feel like I know a lot actually. So I will share this information with you.
Multiple Sclerosis is an autoimmune disease. This means that my body is fighting itself. My body has decided that the covering of my nerves is the 'enemy'. So all the nerves in our bodies are covered with a coating called a myelin sheath. It is kind of like the way wires (computer cords etc.) are in that plastic coating. When that coating was taken away it creates problems, with a cord it is able to short circuit. Which is what my nerves are doing. My body has attacked my nerves, more specifically the myelin sheath which causes my limbs to be numb, vision issues etc. So after the bits of my myelin sheath is gone my body tries to repair it. After the repair, like any other tissue that is greatly damaged it leaves a scar, or multiple scars, hence multiple sclerosis (scars). These scars are located all around my brain, in the white matter and also my cervical spine. Why don't we look a little closer at one of my symptoms; blurred vision. There are some scars on or near my optic nerve, these scars can be very heat sensitive. So when my body temperature rises it exacerbates my blurred vision. Tada! These lesions or scars also create a numbness in my hand, which to this day still has not gone away or gotten any better.
Well I hope that this was informative for you. If you would like to know more don't be afraid to ask or check out this website MS Society.
Have a great night.
~Just A Girl
Just kidding!
I do know I feel like I know a lot actually. So I will share this information with you.
Multiple Sclerosis is an autoimmune disease. This means that my body is fighting itself. My body has decided that the covering of my nerves is the 'enemy'. So all the nerves in our bodies are covered with a coating called a myelin sheath. It is kind of like the way wires (computer cords etc.) are in that plastic coating. When that coating was taken away it creates problems, with a cord it is able to short circuit. Which is what my nerves are doing. My body has attacked my nerves, more specifically the myelin sheath which causes my limbs to be numb, vision issues etc. So after the bits of my myelin sheath is gone my body tries to repair it. After the repair, like any other tissue that is greatly damaged it leaves a scar, or multiple scars, hence multiple sclerosis (scars). These scars are located all around my brain, in the white matter and also my cervical spine. Why don't we look a little closer at one of my symptoms; blurred vision. There are some scars on or near my optic nerve, these scars can be very heat sensitive. So when my body temperature rises it exacerbates my blurred vision. Tada! These lesions or scars also create a numbness in my hand, which to this day still has not gone away or gotten any better.
Well I hope that this was informative for you. If you would like to know more don't be afraid to ask or check out this website MS Society.
Have a great night.
~Just A Girl
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Explination
Monday September 10, 2012
I met with the neurologist from UBC, Dr. Traboulsee and he confirmed that I do in fact have Multiple Sclerosis (MS). He, well actually we all looked at my MRI and found 50+ lesions in my brain and cervical spine.Which yes, sounds like a lot but apparently it doesn't mean its really bad.
I saw a nurse earlier in the week and she helped explain to me my symptoms and how I can 'treat' them. The biggest thing she explained was why I had blurry vision when I exercised. She told me that I most likely had a lesion on my optical nerve, because she hadn't seen the MRI she was making a very educated guess. She explained that when I exercised of course my body temperature went up and the lesions are very heat sensitive so they react to that. Hence the trouble with vision. This was before I had seen the neurologist.
Dr. Traboulsee described to me and my family that I had a very aggressive form of MS and that I should be on some sort of treatment very soon. He was very positive and encouraging and presented a few options for me, treatment wise. He at first showed me the 5 or 6 regular drugs that would help with the side affects of MS. (For any of those who don't know MS, is not curable but it is maintainable.) He also informed us that the majority of these drugs would be less than 50% affective for me, because of how aggressive my MS is.
At this point he left the room and came back with in 30 seconds with a large stack of papers. He then asked us, more specifically myself how I felt about drug trials. He then told us about a specific drug trail that he has been working on for a while now. He became quite excited about this as he told us what it would involve and how great this new drug was, "It knocks the socks off MS!! to quote.
So after the meeting with Dr Traboulsee I went home and thought more about the drug trial. I will explain more about these things in a later post. But so long.. thanks for reading.
~Living With MS
I met with the neurologist from UBC, Dr. Traboulsee and he confirmed that I do in fact have Multiple Sclerosis (MS). He, well actually we all looked at my MRI and found 50+ lesions in my brain and cervical spine.Which yes, sounds like a lot but apparently it doesn't mean its really bad.
I saw a nurse earlier in the week and she helped explain to me my symptoms and how I can 'treat' them. The biggest thing she explained was why I had blurry vision when I exercised. She told me that I most likely had a lesion on my optical nerve, because she hadn't seen the MRI she was making a very educated guess. She explained that when I exercised of course my body temperature went up and the lesions are very heat sensitive so they react to that. Hence the trouble with vision. This was before I had seen the neurologist.
Dr. Traboulsee described to me and my family that I had a very aggressive form of MS and that I should be on some sort of treatment very soon. He was very positive and encouraging and presented a few options for me, treatment wise. He at first showed me the 5 or 6 regular drugs that would help with the side affects of MS. (For any of those who don't know MS, is not curable but it is maintainable.) He also informed us that the majority of these drugs would be less than 50% affective for me, because of how aggressive my MS is.
At this point he left the room and came back with in 30 seconds with a large stack of papers. He then asked us, more specifically myself how I felt about drug trials. He then told us about a specific drug trail that he has been working on for a while now. He became quite excited about this as he told us what it would involve and how great this new drug was, "It knocks the socks off MS!! to quote.
So after the meeting with Dr Traboulsee I went home and thought more about the drug trial. I will explain more about these things in a later post. But so long.. thanks for reading.
~Living With MS
Monday, September 24, 2012
...And Here We Go
September 5, 2012
This has been a bit of a crazy year... Last summer (2011) I realized I failed a very important course in my first year nursing program. Microbiology...hard course and not enough time spent on it. At first it seemed like a terrible thing, but then I thought more about it. Maybe it was a good thing I failed this course. It meant I was able to retake it, finish my electives and then take a semester off and work. I ended up moving back in with my parents whom that summer had moved 800km away from me. I then worked for 8 months in a mental health group home. However this is not why I am starting this blog. So here you go...
February 2012
VERTIGO! This is one of the weirdest things that happened to me. One morning I rolled over in bed and the whole world spun. I couldn't turn my head quickly, walking in the evenings became difficult, at one point I fell when trying to get up. I went to my family doctor he asked me a few questions and to walk in a straight line heel to toe. He laughed at me. Which was funny, because I actually couldn't do it. I mean I do know my balance is bad, but this was really bad. He sent me away with a diagnosis of Labyrinthitis and that it should go away in 2-3 weeks. Which it did, 3 weeks later.
March 2012
I noticed when I exercised my eyes got blurry. Well not really blurry, but everything seemed overly exposed like a picture. When I would go hiking, walking down the street with my mom and dog, and I think you get the picture. So whenever my heart rate went up, it also became a lot harder to see.
June 2012
All I really remember about this was when I was making supper at my parents house. I remember turning to my dad and said, "Do you think its weird that my feet are numb?" and then didn't really think anything of it. But for about 2 weeks my feet and half way up my legs. It was on and off but was weird. This left after 2 weeks.
June 30, 2012
At about 3:00 that morning (I was working a night shift) I noticed that the pads of my thumb and first 2 fingers on my right hand felt like they were falling asleep, or at least trying to wake up. They felt numb. Throughout the rest of the day it moved down my fingers and half my hand. Over the next week the numbness moved into the rest of my hand. This hasn't changed to this day.
July 2012
This was a weird month. The numbness in my hand continued, continued to move up my right arm, shoulder and upper half of my torso (posteriorly and anteriorly). I also found out one day at work when I was cleaning up some ice that the coolness of that felt really good. I went to the lake that month also and the cold water felt really good. At this point I also talked to a few people about what these symptoms meant. They all had the same answer, which I will tell you about soon.
August 2012
My torso is good, the numbness went away. My arm still felt numb, or at least different than normal. I also started to have trouble buttoning up my shirts, looking for items in my purse or pockets. It was like I couldn't feel textures, I knew I was holding something but I didn't exactly what it was without looking at it. I had to watch my self do the buttons up on my shirt. That still hasn't changed to this day.
This month I also had some burning in my hand, it was swollen and did not seem to be getting any better.
End of August 2012
I got a phone call from Dr. Thanah's office, a neurologist in Abbotsford. He gave me a neurology exam, a VEP (visual evoked potential). They checked my nerves to see how well they reacted to stimulation and check to see if I had Optic neuritis. At the end of this appointment he asked me a few questions like "Do you have any metal in your body? Are you claustrophobic?" etc. He then disappeared for a few minutes and came back and told me that MRI diagnostics will hopefully call me soon and will have an opening before the end of the week. (It was Wednesday and I left on Sunday to go back home) As soon as I walked out of the hospital my mom called me and said I had a MRI booked for 7:00am Friday morning. God's plan? I think so!!
Very End of August 2012
I got to go on an awesome trip with my little brother, who also has gone thought a lot in the past 5 years. Check out his story...Conquering ALL He was diagnosed with cancer, Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. Anyways, read his story if you so do desire but this one is about me, so I will continue. My brother and I got to go rafting on a Teen Adventure with BC Children's Hospital. It was tons of fun, but again besides the point. Oh, I did however meet two great nurses, married and they were awesome, I only knew them for a short time but I really enjoyed their company.
September 3-5, 2012
My parents gave me a few cryptic phone calls, and emails about coming down to Vancouver to discuss my MRI with a neurologist from UBC hospital. However I do like to think I am smarter than I look and maybe even smarter than my parents think. I knew that if my MRI was negative there was no way they would book a $350 flight to have a neurologist to tell me so. I first tried to get a straight answer out of my dad, he tried to change the subject and was very brief. So I then tried my mom, she then said that my dad and her would would Skype me that night.
September 5, 2012
I found out I have been positively diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I have Multiple Sclerosis and this is my story.
~Living With MS
This has been a bit of a crazy year... Last summer (2011) I realized I failed a very important course in my first year nursing program. Microbiology...hard course and not enough time spent on it. At first it seemed like a terrible thing, but then I thought more about it. Maybe it was a good thing I failed this course. It meant I was able to retake it, finish my electives and then take a semester off and work. I ended up moving back in with my parents whom that summer had moved 800km away from me. I then worked for 8 months in a mental health group home. However this is not why I am starting this blog. So here you go...
February 2012
VERTIGO! This is one of the weirdest things that happened to me. One morning I rolled over in bed and the whole world spun. I couldn't turn my head quickly, walking in the evenings became difficult, at one point I fell when trying to get up. I went to my family doctor he asked me a few questions and to walk in a straight line heel to toe. He laughed at me. Which was funny, because I actually couldn't do it. I mean I do know my balance is bad, but this was really bad. He sent me away with a diagnosis of Labyrinthitis and that it should go away in 2-3 weeks. Which it did, 3 weeks later.
March 2012
I noticed when I exercised my eyes got blurry. Well not really blurry, but everything seemed overly exposed like a picture. When I would go hiking, walking down the street with my mom and dog, and I think you get the picture. So whenever my heart rate went up, it also became a lot harder to see.
June 2012
All I really remember about this was when I was making supper at my parents house. I remember turning to my dad and said, "Do you think its weird that my feet are numb?" and then didn't really think anything of it. But for about 2 weeks my feet and half way up my legs. It was on and off but was weird. This left after 2 weeks.
June 30, 2012
At about 3:00 that morning (I was working a night shift) I noticed that the pads of my thumb and first 2 fingers on my right hand felt like they were falling asleep, or at least trying to wake up. They felt numb. Throughout the rest of the day it moved down my fingers and half my hand. Over the next week the numbness moved into the rest of my hand. This hasn't changed to this day.
July 2012
This was a weird month. The numbness in my hand continued, continued to move up my right arm, shoulder and upper half of my torso (posteriorly and anteriorly). I also found out one day at work when I was cleaning up some ice that the coolness of that felt really good. I went to the lake that month also and the cold water felt really good. At this point I also talked to a few people about what these symptoms meant. They all had the same answer, which I will tell you about soon.
August 2012
My torso is good, the numbness went away. My arm still felt numb, or at least different than normal. I also started to have trouble buttoning up my shirts, looking for items in my purse or pockets. It was like I couldn't feel textures, I knew I was holding something but I didn't exactly what it was without looking at it. I had to watch my self do the buttons up on my shirt. That still hasn't changed to this day.
This month I also had some burning in my hand, it was swollen and did not seem to be getting any better.
End of August 2012
I got a phone call from Dr. Thanah's office, a neurologist in Abbotsford. He gave me a neurology exam, a VEP (visual evoked potential). They checked my nerves to see how well they reacted to stimulation and check to see if I had Optic neuritis. At the end of this appointment he asked me a few questions like "Do you have any metal in your body? Are you claustrophobic?" etc. He then disappeared for a few minutes and came back and told me that MRI diagnostics will hopefully call me soon and will have an opening before the end of the week. (It was Wednesday and I left on Sunday to go back home) As soon as I walked out of the hospital my mom called me and said I had a MRI booked for 7:00am Friday morning. God's plan? I think so!!
Very End of August 2012
I got to go on an awesome trip with my little brother, who also has gone thought a lot in the past 5 years. Check out his story...Conquering ALL He was diagnosed with cancer, Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. Anyways, read his story if you so do desire but this one is about me, so I will continue. My brother and I got to go rafting on a Teen Adventure with BC Children's Hospital. It was tons of fun, but again besides the point. Oh, I did however meet two great nurses, married and they were awesome, I only knew them for a short time but I really enjoyed their company.
September 3-5, 2012
My parents gave me a few cryptic phone calls, and emails about coming down to Vancouver to discuss my MRI with a neurologist from UBC hospital. However I do like to think I am smarter than I look and maybe even smarter than my parents think. I knew that if my MRI was negative there was no way they would book a $350 flight to have a neurologist to tell me so. I first tried to get a straight answer out of my dad, he tried to change the subject and was very brief. So I then tried my mom, she then said that my dad and her would would Skype me that night.
September 5, 2012
I found out I have been positively diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I have Multiple Sclerosis and this is my story.
~Living With MS
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