Spoons

So this past few days, after my exams I kind of found my self on Pintrest and looking at stuff they had on Multiple Sclerosis. It was really interesting... here are some of the pics, its ok to laugh out loud, because I know I certainly did and then I have a story to  tell you. 

This actually happens....

Made me laugh

Story of my life... school was an interesting challenge. 

This is one of my favorites!!

Please don't think all of this happens to me. But it made me smile

This is what your nerves look like compared to mine. 

I know I talked a bit about my vision going nuts when I exercise. This is what my vison is like when I do. See its off.

Now for my story... its about spoons. Exciting right? Well found this way of describing autoimmune diseases like Lupus online the other day and it made so much sense, so I will do my best to adapt it the best I can. But this is how I would now describe to someone who asked me "What is it like to live with MS?"
Each day, people get up, get going to work, maybe eat breakfast in the morning and then are off for the day. They don't have to think twice about it. Most people are able to just go about their day thinking of their work, family, friends, their plans for the night or the weekend ahead of them. (If I was sitting with you right now I would grab a bunch of spoons) I would grab spoons and give them to you saying "You know how MS." You might look at me like I'm nuts, but I'm not (well not completely). But bear with me here... now you are holding a bundle of spoons, count them out for me-- you have 10. You might laugh a little bit not really knowing where I am going with this.. but it will be good I promise. Ok, you now have 12 spoons. Now tell me about your week and the things you have to get done, or your weekend plans.. tell me those; are you gonna go out with friends? Stay up late watching a movie? Are you going to go bowling or who knows.. think about it.. what do you do? Are you in school and have a huge midterm or final coming up? When are you going to study, when are you going to sleep, eat, socialize  So give me a list of the things you are going to do. I don't just mean leaving the house and going out, I mean the little things too, like cooking, cleaning, exercise. Ok, so think about that list for a second.....
How many things came up in your head that you would do in a day? Ok, come back to me and now we will get to the spoons. Each spoon is a symbol of a task you can complete in a day. Not very much right? How fast did you run out of spoons? Now what do you do? Just give up on the day? But how are you able to complete the tasks you have to do... well I guess I could borrow a spoon from the next day. But then it wrecks that day and can quickly become a downward spiral. But for those who aren't 'sick' most people have unlimited spoons so they don't have to think quite so hard about it. 

Interesting thought right? For me, during school and say midterm weeks my spoon collections seemed pretty limited. There was only so much I could do, and at a certain time my brain would actually just shut off from exhaustion--and at that point I would only have about 3 more spoons left. But I have an exam the next day, classes ended at 12, so I have 2 decent hours to study, but I need lunch that takes time, so then I have 1.5 hours. But the beginning of my week was brutal and I just need to rest. So I go home, eat, sleep, maybe go for a walk, try to study, and then go to bed at 8:00pm. OR I can borrow a spoon from the next day...sure, I'll take some caffeine  and stay up later and study. However that wrecks the next day because now I have one less spoon for that day. I am now even more tired. I panicked all night about this test, I didn't sleep well and now I have to go write a test and I am kind of freaking out.
At times I find myself thinking about what I can do or counting my spoons in the afternoon on a Friday and friends are hanging out and want to go have a fire. But I do have think about my weekend and hte week after that because if I stay up late, and my body has now decided that no matter how late I stay up I get up by 7:00am. So I am going to have to borrow spoons from other days, and it might not be just one day, it could be a few days in a row.

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So that is my Spoon Story. I hope it makes sense... Here is the link to the original story that I found the other day: Spoon Theory. I am pretty sure her story might make a little more sense.. but my disease is a bit different than Lupus, so I hope that might be able to help you understand a disease, and not just mine but others around you too.



-Just a Girl

Finally Done_Almost

April 27, 2013

Finally, and I am not totally sure how, but I am done my classes for the semester and my finals. And then the best part of this whole story is that I passed all of my courses this year. (when i found that out I cried) To be honest I am totally sure how I did it, but I also know that it is not something I did on my own. I would not have been able to accomplish this without family, friends and most importantly God. It has been an absolutely crazy year and not one I wish to repeat in any means, but I learned many things about myself.  Maybe, one day I will give a nice list.


April 30, 2013

Well, one thing I have learned is to not take for granted the good times in life, just don't go through life and not take the time to look back, or forward and be thankful for the things you have.
One of the biggest things in my life lately have been my friends and family. Wow I do not know or want to even think about what I would do without them. The encouragement that they deliver, the prayer, thoughts, comfort, someone to cry with, laugh with, someone to just make fun of me and help me laugh and myself, or even just talk to for hours.

Man, as I'm sure you've read in the past year.. its been rough, and at times when I think things are clearing up, something else pops up, granted it happens with everyone... but I also am the one writing the blog and I get to talk about my wonderful challenges. :) In retrospect, and I am trying to learn to see the challenges in life a good thing, something that would help me grow, move on, grow deeper with Christ.
Last night I hung out with two great friends and a awesome baby--I was having a less than ideal day, I mean seriously getting shampoo in your eyes sucks! (I havent done that since I was like 5, and this stuff wasn't kid friendly) That was only part of it, but I will spare you the details and will just hit the highlights of the day. I was able to hang out with my cousin, saw another good friend who touches my heart every time we hang out, she is so encouraging and just speaks truth into my life.
But it was last night in the evening that one of my friends reminded me of James 1:2-4. I know I wrote a post on it a while ago but it was a great reminder.

James 1:2-4

"Count it all joy my brothers, when you are faced with trials of many kind, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete and not lacking anything."

I love love love this verse, I love the challenge (at times). It is a good reminder for any point in life, but I want to be able to look back on the trials of many kinds be proud of the way I persevered through them. I want to be mature not lacking in anything. 

Some days I don't feel competent, I feel insecure, I don't feel good enough....but I also know its not true, those are the lies of the world. But those things are not true, and it is nice to be able to see those things and recognize the lies. I know I am loved, I am worthy, I am a great friend, I am smart, I know these things and it is a good reminder to tell our selves the truths that God tells us. We are His, we are loved and cherished everyday. I want to remind myself that daily, I know I don't and at times it makes it hard, when I believe the lies.
I guess that would be one thing I have learned over this last semester; life is a choice. A good/great life is a choice. To be with God is a choice. But there are always two options, sometimes a lot more evident when something hard comes along, but you can choose to let it over take you, run your life or you can chose to deal with it. Give the challenges to God and "Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7. Hey, I also am not gonna put myself on any kind of pedestal, because I don't do that all the time, but I want to. 

Anyways, I have had a few realizations over the past little while and those are a few I've had.

Hope you have a great day!

-Just a Girl

Quarter Way Treatment Day

I have been on my treatment plan for officially 6 months. I have 18 months left then I will be on the "Rock Star" drug. : )

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As some of you know or remember from my Facebook post this morning I was quite concerned about this dreadful cough and my MRI. I don't know about you but I find it impossible to cough and keep completely still while someone is taking a picture (or 100's) of my brain.

But today's MRI did go well, or as well as a 2.5 hour MRI can go. My cough behaved a little better than I anticipated. I just asked for a bit of water in between some of the pictures. I only had to redo 2 or 3 of them in the end. Which wasn't ideal, but I would rather they have great pictures if I could just hold still a little longer.
However I have discovered a new drug, well not new, but new to me. Ativan--anti-anxiety/sedation drug. I have a lot of those to my psychotic patients to calm them if they were hearing voices or something like that- so its a very strong drug. But wow! is it ever good. Granted I went to the MRI tired, but that drug put me into a nice calm state drifting in and out of thoughts and dreams. I may or may not have felt like the walls were moving and it felt like I was in a hammock swaying back and forth, itt was nice. None the less it was still painful and extremely uncomfortable, but I made it though alright. It is better now that I have done a few and am knowing what to expect. But Ativan is the way to go for sure.

Tomorrow is infusion day. Should take up to 5 hours to infuse me and a few more tests like blood work and such. They might want to check on my heart to make sure no drugs are damaging it. But then I will be heading home.

I will say it has been super nice to get out of PG and see friends. I saw my cousin and a few other friends at UBC last night and it was GREAT! We laughed pretty hard and made many many many connectons between my family and my friends and other families. It is crazy how small the Christian community can be and how interconnected people can get. But it was a lot of fun.

Tonight I hung out with one of my close girl friends who comes to my treatment days with me from Abbotsford. She wanted me to meet one of her friends who is going to school at UBC and it was great. We had a lot of fun going out for supper, talking, hanging out, sharing stories and getting to know one another.

The hospital part of this trip and the reasons for why I am here aren't great, but it has been great finding ways to make the trips better. Meeting new friends, seeing old ones, visiting cousins. It has been really nice.

Thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers. These next few weeks are going to be tough mentally and probably emotionally. Trying to finish up my semester and pass my classes. I am going to need a lot more energy to finish up this year strong. But then I do have a lot to look forward to this summer, which one day I will tell you more about. : )

A friend posted this part of these verses the other day and it hit me in a good place so I will leave it with you tonight: (last line is my favorite)

1 Peter 5:7-10 

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you.

8 Be alert and sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 

9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 

10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Chris, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 

Have a great night guys! Rest well.


~Just a Girl

Day 160- Almost Done!

Oh, how much I am looking forward to being almost finished my semester. It has been a blur. To be honest the start, or even Christmas feels like forever ago, I feel like so much has happened. But I am glad to be finished and at this point would rather look forward than eminence about the past.

So what are my plans for after the semester? Well let me tell you, and then tell you how excited I am about them.

So after my exams, which end on the 25th of April I have four more weeks of clinical. I am on a different floor, Family Medicine Unit. It will be a much different experience than my last clinical experience. I liked being on a post surgery floor, most of my patients were aware of what was going on and it was a quick turn around. I liked the faster paced movement of the floor. It will be 12 hours on Friday, 12 hours on Saturday and 8 hours on Sunday. At this point I am a little nervous for 12 hour shifts, I will be exhausted those weekend I am pretty sure. Oh well I only have 4 weeks of it. I think I will survive. (Provided I do pass my classes this semester)

After my four weeks of clinical my family has decided to bless me and send me on a trip that I have only dreamed about. I will tell you more about it later in time. : )

After that trip, should be about 3 weeks....I will be doing something awesome, hopefully. So I talked to my best friend and she wanted to work at a camp. Much of me really wanted to go with her, but I knew I had to work. Then my parents suggested that I too go work at some camp. So I told my friend, that whatever camp she went to, or whatever she did I wanted to do it with her. So looks like, if I ever fill out my application her and I will work out at Echo Lake Bible Camp together. I have missed my that girl way to much this year...and probably will never live in the same city again, so I am looking forward to this opportunity to work at a camp and spend the summer with her.

As for prayer and stuff with God these days its sweet to see how He works. One thing I have really appreciated are friends that challenge me. In many different ways and in ways that most of the time they have no idea. I love and maybe sometimes hate when people ask the tough questions. When they challenge me on what I think or believe.  I love it!

So, next week I head to Vancouver again, for two full days. It will be a long two days. First one I am showing up at 7:00am for my two and a half hour MRI--sounds like fun right? Not really, at all. It is terrible uncomfortable, and apparently I touch my face a lot, and coughing while trying to be still is really really hard. Then I will have a few assessments, and questionnaires. The next day I have my infusion which will probably be 4-5 hours, if not more. That is not my favorite part of my trip, well actually, I don't really love any part of these trips. Except for seeing people I don't get to see very often. Then it makes the trip that much better, friends, cousins, family. That part is nice.

Well, I need to get going, today is a long school day and I should get ready.

Hope you all have a great day!

~Just a Girl

Lessons Learned

I learned a few things this week....

1. People will continue to surprise me. Last weekend I was having a rough time. Feeling pretty emotional. I was (and still continually) trying to wrap my head around my MS stuff, I was missing family, and friends. Saturday was an ok day, hung out with a girlfriend for a bit which was great. Then Sunday, which always seems to be my emotional day. I went to church. Made it the through without crying--which I was impressed about. It wasn't until I got into my car that I couldn't hold back. I burst into tears. I thought I would be alright so I started driving out of the parking lot. I got to the side road and I couldn't see because of all the tears. So I pulled over and grabbed some Kleenex and did my best to pull myself together. As I was tryin to regain myself a few cars drove by. However, one drove by turned the corner and not even 30 seconds left I see it again in my rear view mirror and it pulls in front of me. A lady get out, whom I have never seen before and comes to my widow to ask if I'm alright. I decided to be honest and just say no... But to make a long story short, I made a new friend last Sunday and I know it was no coincidence.

2. Lesson number two. Sometimes I can't hold it all together and life really does scare me. Right now I am torn between doing third year over 2 years or one. At this point I really have no idea if I will be able to cope with a course load as heavy as third year. But I also really do not want to take any longer to get my schooling done. I know it's not a bad thing, maybe it's pride or who knows. Maybe next year, personally there won't be as many surprises, and I will have the strength to do third year in one year. I don't know. Another prayer request--God would make it clear to me as to what I should do.

3. My last few lessons from this week have been;
a) I am capable of keeping a clean spotless room--trying to sell a house can be a pain, but once it's done. I am very capable of making a disaster--a productive mess mind you, I am doing some spring cleaning.
b) I like getting out of town. I went down to Kelowna for this weekend. To visit my cousin and meet up with my family. It was great.

Well those are the most important things on my mind at the moment.

~Just a Girl