You know those times when you feel like things are going good, you can't even think about those things that could bring you down? You know those times where you think, "Dang, life is good. What could go wrong?" I had one of those moments last week, when I was in the hospital, when all of my problems seemed to be so minuscule. I had a patient who was in such pain-he just had hip surgery and I told him he was going to be walking today.. he kind of laughed at me. However he did walk that day, and it was great. I thought of how thankful I was that I was able to walk, and was not in that kind of pain. It felt so good to not think about anything except doing everything I could for my patient. It felt so good to do something for him.
Tonight isn't like that.. I'm sorry to say. Tonight--this weekend has been hard. Very difficult. It is funny how hard things like to hit in waves. I thought I was doing ok with the whole MS thing.. but I was wrong. This weekend and past few weeks to be honest have been ok with a few moments of MS realizations. But so much has changed--also please don't think I sit in a funk about 'oh poor me, I have MS' I don't it just comes in waves and then I need to talk about it.. so this is what you get. The hardest part is seeming like I'm ok on the outside when I'm not. I'm not. I am terrified on the inside (I haven't admitted that out loud before), I am in so much stinking pain; physically and mentally.
Tonight was hard, I was working on homework and my hand hurt, which lately isn't that surprising, but it wasn't just my right hand, it was both of them and mostly my left hand and man did it hurt. So I grabbed a bag of snow, which helped but still hurt a lot more than I had ever had it before. It made me frustrated, sad and hurt. I also realized today and the last few times I have gone swimming that my vision has been getting worse. (I am kind of hoping its because I haven't gone swimming for a while)
Some days I just don't know what to do... so tonight I am going to ask for prayer, prayer for
-pain in my hand to go away or lessen
-comfort; to trust in God
-anxiety; to help me calm down about life and school
-to continue to find the joys in life and continue to be thankful for the things I do have.
-just me and my spirit in general to keep well and focus on school
Thank you so much guys, I appreciate it a ton.
~Just a Girl
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